The Joy of Your Heart

Some days are rougher than others when you’re dealing with a long distance relationship. Especially when there is so much on the line. Finding that perfect person is rare, so you make an oath to overcome all obstacles, even that of seemingly overwhelming distance. You wait, you worry, you hope, you fear, you get lost in thoughts of Her and then drowned in doubts of what will come to be.

This is one of those days, though it, like all the days, possesses a tone that rises and falls with the moments. The biggest issue for now and the next week is that my Love is buried in joyful times. Why is this an issue, you ask? Because it is when our loved ones are in such a state that we must tread carefully so as not to disturb their happiness. Her happiness is so important to me. The expressions of my trials must remain as unspoken as possible.

It is during these times that I feel the most alone. I want to share the turbulence of my hours, but must protect her from myself. My feelings remain buried, leaking out here and there (mostly here, it seems). I try to comfort myself with the imagined sight of her smile, the imagined sound of her laughter, the myriad other expressions of joy that pour from her. I reach across 2000 miles to touch that happiness. And I smile because she is well.

Still, the need for an embrace or a small kiss or whispered words of encouragement does not go away. Like all human beings, I require the symbols of our Love to be present in my day-to-day. When those symbols fade, my mornings become melancholy and my dreams turn to nightmares.

I have lived in a state of isolation before. The need to curb expression is nothing new to me. But when there is a safe place to put aside the habits of old, it is difficult to not spend all of my time there. She is Home and I wish to forever live beneath the roof of our Love, no matter how much the weather may try to break that Home into dust.

My Love. You are out there somewhere. You are happy. Know that my thoughts are with you. And that you live deep in my heart, no matter what obstacles the world chooses to place in our way. The wait is almost over and I am coming. And all will be right with the world as we lose ourselves in each other’s arms.

- JM